i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
