I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
