I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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