normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
