it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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