I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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