Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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