also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
