so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
