I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
