is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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