At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
