My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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