my phone needs a breathalizer
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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