Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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