:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
