We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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