I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
