47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
