first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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