Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
