Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
