why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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