i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
