Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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