I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
