I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
