i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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