im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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