I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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