Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
