I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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