The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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