i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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