Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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