"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
