Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
