Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
