i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
