I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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