They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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