Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
