So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
