I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
