I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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