So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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