I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
