I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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