Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
