I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, he came in my armpit
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
only you would photoshop your dick
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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