I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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