i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
