i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
