She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
