I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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