He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
