Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
