Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
