You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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