and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
