she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
