everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
