Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
