from now on my penis is your penis
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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