I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
