WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
