just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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