why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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